you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize