So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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