Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Umm I'm too high to move.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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