saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
