Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
