I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize