Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
