It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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