Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
