Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
