6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
