i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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