you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Semen is not good for contacts.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
