My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
