you mean i was at the winter classic?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
