I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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