i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sext me about skeletons
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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