do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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