I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
