Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
foreskin is a definite game changer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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