Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
