WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
