This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
