'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
