Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
