I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
