she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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