We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
