So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
