I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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