You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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