Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
