He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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