K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
