i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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