Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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