at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
