I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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