Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
