Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
