Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize