Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
