I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
