I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
