remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
