how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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