Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize