I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
