Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
