i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
