they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
