You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
