First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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