Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize