I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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