omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize