Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
