i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
