Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
