I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
