Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we're so committed to being not committed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
