It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
