my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
